Save Your Marriage or Divorce?

We talk about divorce all the time here and on social media, so you might get the impression that when things go wrong in a marriage, I assume that divorce is the answer. That is not the case. Yes, I help divorcing women through the process. There are lots of marriages that get tough, but aren't yet at the point of divorce. And I'm a fan of those couples working things out if they can.

Divorce is not always the right choice, but it can be very difficult to figure out if it is the next step for you. We are closing out Season 2 of the Find Me The Money podcast this week with a discussion about whether you can save your marriage. You may be able to save your marriage, and communication is one of the biggest factors.

Empowered and Unapologetic 

Our guest is Veronica Cisneros, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a marriage coach, and the host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. She’s been married for over 24 years and has raised 3 children while having a thriving career. Veronica was on the brink of divorce, but she and her husband saved their marriage.

Figuring out Communication

Veronica and I talked about why husbands are emotionally unavailable and how men and women approach problems differently. Many men do not know how to process their emotions the same way that women do, and this can deeply impact your relationship. It might feel like your husband just doesn't know how to communicate with you, or it might even feel like you are dealing with a narcissist.

Couples need to have open and honest conversations about past traumas and triggers. We can’t fix or change our spouse, but we can find effective ways to handle our differences. Figuring out how you and your spouse communicate best is the key.

Accepting Your Husband

Sometimes we have to look at how we are contributing to our marriage problems. If we are making everything our husband's fault we are often "keeping score." The tally in our mind that keeps track of everything your spouse is doing wrong builds a huge amount of resentment.

We have to come to a place where we understand who our husband is and accept him as he is. If he says to you, "no matter what I do, it is never enough," this is a warning sign that resentment and disconnection are happening in your marriage. 

Pay attention to what YOU are doing in your marriage. You can only fix your own behavior. Boundaries start with you and they start with hard conversations. Both of you got to this point in your marriage and to get out of it, it will take both of you working not on each other, but on yourselves. When you do what you can do, you can realistically come back to each other more successfully. 

This episode with Veronica is a must listen. If you have even a small amount of hope for your marriage, you need to hear this. Stay tuned until the end to find out how you can start to repair your relationship and become best friends with your husband again.